Tales of the Humanoid Typhoon
by T. Sinami
Summary: A small bunch of tales that the series never told you about...


Tales of the Humanoid Typhoon Chapter One: Donuts and Women  
  
Nicole: Yes. I am going to do the tales of the oh-so loveable Vash.  
  
Vash: Do I get donuts for doing this?  
  
Nicole: Ummm...yes. Do this disclaimer.  
  
**Disclaimer: Nicole does not own anyone from Trigun. All copyrights go to Yasuhiro Nightow.**  
  
Nicole: Good Vash. -Gives donut-

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Sand. Endless sand, as far as the eye could see. And there was nothing to be seen but the sand, save for one man who was walking upon it. He wore a long red jacket, and yellow glasses. A silver hoop in one ear, and green eyes. He looked serious and solemn, but then his stomach grumbled. He stopped.  
"How far away is the next town...?" He complained, with a sigh. But he walked on, hungry, hot, in need of donuts.  
Finally, he came upon a town. It was a small town, with a small electricity plant; yes, one of those light bulbs. But the people there looked kind, and peaceful. After all, who would try to rob, or maybe blow it up? They figured the humanoid typhoon would never even think about stopping here.  
He walked into the pub, and took a seat. So far nobody took notice, or didn't realized who this man was. He took his glasses off and put them in his pocket. He looked up at bartender and smiled slightly. "May I have a glass of water?" The bartender nodded and quickly filled one up, giving it to him. The pub was generally merry, people chatting happily, drinking together, all types of things. He quickly drank it, then put it down, walking out.  
He was still hungry. He looked around, at the shops, his eyes finally lighting up upon the sight of a bakery. He quickly ran in, and when he came back out, he had a bag full of donuts, and one still in his mouth. Life was good. He sat down on the ledge that surrounded the fountain, which was located in the center of the town. There were other people sitting there, too. Happy people. Which made him happy.  
"Vash?"  
He looked up. Once again, they had found them. One, very tall, with brown hair, and a smile that seemed to never waver, and a shorter one, with blue hair. He smiled, speaking, although his mouth was partially full with a donut. He couldn't help it. It was almost that he had a...fetish for donuts. Donuts were his muse.  
"Lok, itz da inzurance ladies!" He grinned, swallowing the donuts and then waving at them. "Hi insurance ladies!"  
"Hi Vash!" Milly grinned and waved back. She looked innocent. Maybe tall, but she looked innocent. Yet she carried a huge gun. Meryl, which was the blue-haired insurance woman, glared at Milly. She looked slightly less innocent, but carried fifty, yes fifty Derringer pistols in her coat. And they worked for Bernadelli Insurance. Go figure.  
"That's not Vash!" She muttered to Milly, arms crossed. Milly frowned slightly.  
"But he said he was..." By the time they were done whispering and they looked up, He was no longer sitting by the fountain. Instead, he was chatting with a very pretty woman. Meryl rolled her eyes. This was something he always did.  
  
"Hi...." He said sheepishly to the woman. She was pretty, with long black hair, and blue eyes that sparkled. She smiled slightly as he spoke.  
"Hello. And who might you be?" She pushed her hair behind her ear. When he replied, he didn't quite answer her question, but babbled on with random nonsense that only made sense to himself.  
"My name's Vash and I'll do anything for you marry me would you like a donut?" He spoke in one quick sentence, then held out a donut for her to take. She took it gladly, though only taking a small bite.  
"Well...My name is Anna..." She looked at the watch on her wrist then back up at him. "I'm sorry, but I must be off. Will I be seeing you again?"  
"I hope...You're very pretty..." Anna nodded, and walked off.  
  
He walked back over to Milly and Meryl happily, feeling more lighter and joyous then before.  
"Please tell me you didn't just flirt with that woman..." Meryl put her hands on her hips.  
"I didn't just flirt with that woman...?" He responded. Meryl rolled her eyes at him. He simply stuffed a donut into his mouth and walked off.  
He needed a place to stay, since he figured he'd stay here for a day or two longer. After all, that pretty lady Anna was here. And he figured that she might like him. So, he rented a room for the night. It was a small room, with only a bed, a window, and a chair. A black cat with big green eyes was currently upon it. When he entered, the cat quickly scurried out the open window.  
"This should do for the night..." He looked around the room, took off his jacket and hung it on the chair, then flopped onto the bed and fell asleep in a short amount of time.  
  
"Meryl, this is bad..." Milly whispered to Meryl, while they quietly tiptoed up the stairs of the hotel.  
"We need to keep a constant surveillance of him." She argued, but maybe that wasn't the only reason. "After all, he is Vash the Stampede. He did blow up July..." She faded off, when they came to the correct door.  
The sun shone through the window in his room, showing his bare chest, which was covered with scars and all sorts of terrible things. His spiked hair was no longer spiked, just falling about his face and over his forehead. He snored quite loudly.  
"1...2...3!" The rammed into the door, causing it to open. He immediately opened his eyes, and saw Meryl and Milly. They were staring at the scars and such all over his chest. He jumped up and covered himself quickly.  
"What are you doing here?" He exclaimed, blushing red. Meryl put a hand on her hip.  
"We need to keep a constant surveillance on you."  
"It's our job." Milly continued with a nod. He quickly pulled on his coat and sighed, pulling a donut out of the bag from yesterday. He bit into it, and walked strolled out of the room. "Wait for us!"  
  
Anna sat by the fountain, her hands in her lap. Several men were near her, trying to talk to her. But she said nothing. She simply smiled and looked ahead of her. She seemed to be...waiting for someone.  
He saw Anna, and ran over to her like a faithful dog. The men who saw him quickly left. She smiled and gestured to the empty spot beside her. He quickly obeyed and sat.  
"Hiya again Miss Anna!" He grinned. "Will you marry me now?" He gave her puppy dog eyes. She simply laughed slightly.  
"I'll have to think about it."  
"Great!" He grinned even wider.  
  
What a great plan. It was a small town, but they had money. Nobody would know who they were. It'd be a one, two, three deal. He was so smart.  
"Good plan, Spike." One of his chubby minions said after listening to his plan. He scowled.  
"How many times have I told you to call me 'boss'?" He nearly screamed his evil-doer's head off, yelling at him like that. The minion trembled, and nearly pissed in his pants. He was scary like that. And he loved be scary. He gained power that way. "So, at two we will go down."  
"Yes boss." His eight minions replied obediently in unison.  
  
He ate a donut merrily, thinking about the future of him and Anna.  
"What was that?"  
"You're pretty." He daydreamed, his eyes looking off into the distance, the donut hanging out of his mouth.  
"WHAT?" Meryl's eyes nearly bulged out of her head, and her jaw hit the floor with a thud. He looked at Meryl with confused eyes.  
"What?"  
"What?" Milly chimed in. She smiled, actually having no idea what's going on. She was just going along with it.  
"I'm sorry Insurance Lady, I didn't mean it." He gulped down his donut, looking red.  
"Oh." Meryl sighed and looked at the floor, kicking at the floor slightly. Milly looked at her for a moment before a looking up as a man with black hair, and blue eyes rode up on a motorcycle, a cloth-covered "cross" on the back. Oddly enough, that black cat with those huge green eyes was sitting on the back of the motorcycle as well. It meowed before skittering off.  
"Hey needle noggin, Meryl, Milly."  
"Needle noggin?" He always wondered why he was called that. Meryl had several reasons. He ate another donut.  
"Hiya Nicholas, how is the church going?" Milly smiled, and Nicholas D. Wolfwood shrugged slightly before looking up at the sky.  
"Pretty good." Wolfwood looked at the pub. "I'm going to go get a drink."  
"I thought priests didn't drink." He scratched his head, as Wolfwood made his way into the pub.  
  
"3...2...1....It's show time, boys." Spike grinned, tilting his hat down to shadow his face.  
"Yes boss." Replied his evil minions, grinning. They always got some money after robbing a town. Enough to buy them new clothes, as much food as they needed.  
They raced down the hill, armed with small handguns. They figured they could easily take enough money without even having to hurt anyone. But they were wrong. When they arrived at the town, Spike shot a bullet up into the sky. This scored a mini-uproar. Everyone outside immediately shot their hands up into the air, surrendering. People inside stores, the pub, came out. People inside there houses shut the windows and locked the door.  
"Alright. Give us your money and we won't hurt anyone." Spike grinned, his minions and himself pointing guns at the people.  
"Leave now." He had those yellow glasses on, and he looked as serious as hell. One hand hovered near his gun, which was currently in his holster. Spike raised an eyebrow and laughed.  
"Vash the Stampede " Everyone gasped as the realized who it was. "This is a two in one deal. The towns money, and sixty billion double dollars!" Spike's laugh was cruel and cold.  
Anna walked out, not realizing what was happening. His eyes widened upon seeing her he knew what would happen.  
"No!" He yelled out...but it was too late. A bullet from Spike's gun had found it's target in Anna's chest. He gritted his teeth together, and shot one bullet at Spike. With superb marksmanship it hit Spike's gun clean out of his hands. He spoke quietly this time. "How could you...She was an innocent bystander..."  
"So...Vash the Stampede does have human emotions...although you did blow up the third town of July, didn't you?" But he didn't reply. Already he was at Anna's side, a tear falling down his face. She spoke with difficulty.  
"Vash....I'm...sorry..." Those were here last words. Her body went limp, and Vash blamed it on himself. He picked up her body, and walked past the crowd. None of them said anything, not even Spike did anything until Vash was out of the vicinity. But he had others to deal with.  
"So, now that he is gone....I'll take all your money now."  
"I don't think so." There was Wolfwood, looking sober as ever. He held that giant cross in his hands. He unwrapped it, and, lo and behold, it turned out to be a literal arsenal. Many handguns, a rock launcher, and a machine gun. In a cross.  
"What are you?" Spike raised an eyebrow at Wolfwood's cross, but said nothing else other wise.  
"Just your ordinary traveling priest." He smirked, a cigarette in his mouth. He pulled out two handguns and shot at the minions, in places where they wouldn't be severely hurt, but would need maybe some stitches.  
"Well, aren't you a gunman..." Spike didn't let his guard down. He stopped suddenly, for Wolfwood was pointing a machine gun at hill.  
"Drop your gun." He did as he was told, and raised his hands up into the air. Wolfwood smiled slightly and packed up his gun. He pulled Spike over to the Sheriff's office, and, as it seems, the Sheriff was asleep. Wolfwood banged on the desk to wake him up. "He tried to rob this town. His has several helpers outside who have fainted from blood loss. They're all yours." He walked out, his hands in his pockets.

He was walking through the desert, his eyes covered with yellow circular sunglasses. He was silent...but he was thinking. Finally he spoke, softly, to himself.  
"Wherever I go there is death..."

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Please R&R!

-Nicole


End file.
